Arranged Marriage in India
Guys, first sorry for not been bloggin frequently. I have been busy with my Thesis. Struggling thro the work.. adhan.. my bloggin frequency has now come to 1 blog her month.. worst rate..
Anyways, i am taking a break in between my thesis work and thought would pen down my thoughts on one of the facets of Indian Family Scene - arranged marriage..If u take 100 parents, 80 of them would say that they are happy if their children went for an arranged marriage..good point, as in arranged marriage u involve both sides parents and it is always better to keep the family happy in the longer run..but the good point stops there..for the past couple of months, I have been on and off involved with searching a groom for my Sis-in-law. The scene i am seeing is very disheartening and doesnt potray any advancement in the society. Some of my idhaya visumbhalgal (my dear blog friend Ammu, i am borrowing ur catch phrase) are as below:
- Jadagam matching: 9 out 10 groom's parents ask for Jadagam matching. Worst is even if the bride's family doesnt want to match, the groom's family force them to do it. I still dont get how these well educated groom (also include their parents) can still etch themself in unscientific factless thing like Jadagam. How can 8 squares in that jadagam tell your fate? If that is the case we dont need to do any effort at all. Well for starters, the jadagam is built upon ancient astronomy. Ancient astronomy is well adept in predicting star and planets path. But wait, the rider is they didnt have telescopes. So they traced the path of stars, planets they saw. They havent included pluto or the 2 moons of saturns which were recently discovered or other planetary objects like Haley's comet. If astronomy as a science is still evolving, how can we depend on calculations which havent been updated till now. The second, if u look at the development of civilization, science by itself is a hard sell. Our forefathers were adpet in mixing science with religion and thus making it attractive for the followers to learn. Astrology is a mix of undeveloped science and religion. It is high time, our generation makkal get over this malice of the society. What would these idiots say, if they marry a girl based on full jadagam match and still turn sour??
- Dowry: "maami, enga veetula ella naatupennum vaira thodu potu dhan vandhu eruka? nenga vaira thodu poduvela?" "30 soverign poduvengala?". I am hearing these things from 6/10 groom family. Arent these makkal educated? First they could be jailed for just asking. Second, it is inhumane to treat matching of mind like matching of animals. At the lowest level, this whole process is a panda maatru murai. But atleast we can do it humanely.
- Male chauvinism: time and again i see that when the bride rejects the guy, the groom's family give a frown. bull shit.. if the guy can reject, so can the girl. Next, even before the whole process can start chauvinism starts. 8/10 times, the groom's family expect to see the girl's photo/profile and all, before even giving a copy of the groom's photo....
For my part, I keep discussing these issues with my friends in the hope that atleast they reflect the knowledge which they have imbibed upon. Lets hope that this unbecoming practice sees the end of its life with this generation..
18 comments:
@ Ammu..
thanks much for the comments..i totally understand ur thoughts..well i can go for ever wrt male chavunism.. i hate makkal who marry as a replacement for their house servant and a mode for free sex..i have seen those people and my blood boil..
..endha samudhayam moorkamai erukum velayil, samudhayathil erukum endha manidhargal maadhargalai migavum nunukamai eeena padugirargal, pin samudhayathin moorkathin adiyil kulir kaigirargal...
For the record, I have lived with what i have preached here..so nana safe to preach...heheheh
Srirama,
My two cents! Marriage is not between two people, it is between familiesnu ellam sollittu, "Sambandhi sandai" poduvale adhu oru nalla comedy. Currently on a course, will add later.
Lak
sriram:-- yellam neengla solliteenga ini naan enna sollavadhu..
nice blog.. ippo irukaga generationla atleast 50% are not interested in these facts..
"iru mananum sernthaal thaan adhu illaram illaiyaen adhu thuravaram" as far I know..
Hey sri...epdi keera pa?
romba naala aala kanome...?
Very well written da ...pirinchi menjuta....
I ttoo second neigh..Guess itz on the decreasin side in this generation but 50 % nu solla mudiyaathu...
Horoscope : Well .. naanga ithellam follow panrathilla... but seen many ppl tellin lots a things... Its too wierd to c how ppl search for a perfect match...based on this... Payyan/Ponnu epdi irupaangannu epdi ya athu sollum?
Dowry : Dowry nu straight ta solli vaabgaama...nice vangraanunga...
Its a crime! Ivanungalluku ponnum venum..athuvum nalla vela paakra ponnu venum....kodeve...ponnu nalla irukrathukku...thuddum venum... Ponne Kaapatha mudiyalana approm ethukku pa kalyanam panikraanga?
Periyavanga sonnalum ...pasanga a stubborn na irukanum..I've seen many guys who still r for this...
Ellavanaiyum kambi enne vaikanum..
Male Chauvenism:
Another flaw in the system...
Vitta adichite irukalaam..
Atleast in our generation makkal should behave sensibly.
Lets Hope so!
"Change the system or the system will change you" - Rang de basanti
Hey Sriram,
How is thesis coming? Research is making me go crazy too. Waiting to finish PhD. But not going to happen for another 2 years :(
But then that is out life.
Good to see some of the issues we discussed on our trip to the temple.
I have the same discussion/issues with my mom and hence understand your points.
Keep writing
Sowmya
hi sriram after a loooooooooooooong time...
i agree with the 2nd point, but partially disagree with the first point. The point is that, those who see jadagam DONT fully comprehend what it is and what it can do. All the jadagam can do is *predict* certain things. Either they should learn it fully or shun it completely.
Too little knowledge is too dangerous right?? :)
Very good post...liked it very much :D
And dowry! i would like to have them butchered (those who demand it). Everyone in such a family should be castrated!!
@ Aswin
Thanks much.. Castrating.. pretty neat.. looks like shariat law..
Regarding jadagam and its limited predictable power, I still stand with it. Well, blaming the people who try to use an incomplete science is one thing..But i believe the fault lies in the foundation (i.e. the incompleteness of the science behind it) and lack of any rigor in jadagam.. do we have stats to say that if Mercury is in a certain position you would study well.. ??
ha yes! there is...for understanding the basics read Linda Goodman's Star Signs and Linda Goodman's Sun Signs book. Those books are related to western astrology.
For e.g. If Jupiter (guru) on ur jadhagam sees (an astro term) 3 squares on which, 1 is moon (i dont remember the other two), you will have problems getting jobs.
And there are 12 squares, each 1 representing a rasi and a ruling planet :)
Astrology and meta-physics are interesting sciences. Only those who understand that very well will comprehend what a jadagam is (didnt mean any offense)... :)
@ Aswin
I have also read Linda Goodman's astro signs book. But all with an eye for fun though. In anycase, Linda Goodman's book talks about some planets.. It doesnt talk about neither Pluto nor about the new moons of Saturn or the path of the comet shumaker-levy !!!! If you believe that motion of astro bodies affect your life, then how can you believe a chart which doesnt have motions of all the bodies?? or if you want to play devil's advocate role that the planets put on the chart are only ones which are important, can you back it up with numbers for it??
Also remember that we arent the only ones in the whole universe.. we form part of a single small galaxy, and note, there are millions or may be billions of galaxies like ours and some forming even as you read this..
i agree meta-physics is interesting.. but meta-physics is based on physics and astronomy, which are by themself evolving..thes e are my 2 cents.
Sriram, i would recommend star signs for you. You would get a lot of your questions answered. I'm also half way through it.
The jadagam tells what you may be and not what you will be. This explanation is given in the afterword of Sun Signs. :)
Star signs/Sun Signs are bullshit too..
Example: If a Mom belongs to certain sign which is the enemy of her kid's sign. Will they both not get along? Will she stop lovin the kid??
It is all in the mind mate. If Jadagam and all very correct,then all couples during our ancestors would have been rich and happy. So it is all man made bullshit.
Most important, two people should have chemistry between them,which will help them survive through ups and downs.
Cheers,
RjOz
By sheer accident happened to see this blog…I like the way the elaya thalaimurai feels and am sure you all will stand by what you believe in…..kudos
Well ur comments or multivarious aspects of astrology, male chaveunism are appreciated and ur questions that
how 8 squares can determine an individuals fate is food for thought question.Yet Your criticism questions our fore fathers intelligence For this the best example is that the so called industrialised nations that support rationalism and scientific temper were living in ages beleiving earth to be a flat when our famed astronomers like aryabhatta and bhaskara had proved long ago that the earth and all other heavenly planets are round long before gallileo had founded telescope. The foundation of modern day science is that it goes by the assumption that anything that can be seen or felt alone is believed to be true whereas telepathy is a concept that neither be seen or felt like heat or cold and yets is a proven fact.
Well you had good points on the mind set of Educated people but we must also analyse what this educaton has made us. It has only a slave mentality atleast the indian education system creating a bias against certain career paths like farming and agriculture. you must have heard people saying padichittu aadu mada meikkanum and this is the mind set that has been created by the education system with this kind of education you cannot expect a better reaction on issues like marriage and again only a slave mentality comes to the fore..
Hey sriram,
You have put in all the struggle faced by girls family in your blog.
It is we who should bring in the change. But still None of the guys ready to put in front that "they will not go for horoscope matching any more". People should stop matching "10 jadaga porutham" and start to see atlease one porutham of "thought" matches between the girl and the boy. I think once these kind of matches are looked in to then all kinds of marriage would be a successful one.
hi..
this is priya here. saw your post and found it very much interesting. this jadagam rubbish is affecting my life so much. I love a guy and he happens to be born in moola nakshatra. my parents are dead against marriage as it will supposedly kill one of them. i'm so exhausted trying to tell them i want to get married to the guy of my choice and not a person with perfect jadagam match but no 'manam' porutham. i'm in great distress. i'm hoping and praying some person who is against this jadagam thingy will intervene and get us both married. we truly feel we're made for each other.
Priya
hey Sriram,
This is Brinda, PhD Student. The same story goes with my family too. Myself and my sis hate seeing the horoscope matching and getting married. horoscope matthum na paravaella...caste, community, age, occupation (In my case, as a PhD student, they are looking for a PhD/Post-Doc),family background, properties lottu lossukku nu the list goes on and on...pattathathukku, they are looking for a guy in the same location(like germany, austria)..ethuellam nadakkura kareyamma??? evvulavvu pareya filter pothu thaedunna..finally, u`ll endup with nothing.. etha sonna makkallukku pureyamathanguthu..ketta... culture, custom, tradition nu munnu vartha solranga...Any way, nice to read ur blog...My best wishes to ex-PhD Student from a PhD student.
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